Several months ago, someone asked me the following question: Does being married in med school make it easier, or harder? The answer is yes…being married in med school makes it easier AND harder.
Let me give you an analogy. Being married in med school is liking having to run a million miles…Running a million miles really sucks, and having someone to run it with you kind of makes it better because at least you’re not alone, but you still have to run a million miles…and then you feel guilty for making them run with you.
That’s the best analogy I could come up with. I am very thankful to have Nick along with me on this journey, but it seems like the road to being a physician is best traversed alone. It is hard for me to balance time to study and spending time with Nick. Unlike some of my friends, I can’t stay up late studying because I want to go to bed at the same time as my husband, and he has to get up early to go to work. I usually sacrifice studying on Sundays altogether, as Nick and I try to spend that time with each other.
I think the worst part about being married in med school, is that I feel guilty all the time. When you are a med student, you feel guilty every second you’re not studying. When you are married AND in med school, you feel guilty when you’re spending time with your spouse because you’re not studying, and then you feel guilty when you’re studying because you’re not spending time with your spouse.
Med school is a selfish time. There is no way around it. I think that doctors are all very selfless people, but for a few years, you have to be selfish. I can’t be a doctor if I don’t get good grades and pass med school, so I have to be selfish and spend all my time studying. Med students often lose touch with family and friends because it is just really hard to find time to call people and stay in touch with what is going on in their lives. I hope that when this is all over, we remember how to be selfless again….
I just don’t know how to not feel guilty about the fact that my husband moved to a new town in the middle of nowhere where he has no friends and there is nothing to do just so that I can pursue my dreams of becoming a doctor. Every day I feel like the most selfish person in the world, and I don’t know if I would feel that way if I were single.
However, I can’t end without saying how much I love being married in med school. I often hear my single friends talk about how lonely they are, and how much they hate to go home and eat dinner by themselves. I don’t get to experience that perspective of med school, and I think it would be really easy to get lonely. I never get lonely. I always have my best friend here to cheer me up and give me a pep talk. Nick is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I wouldn’t want to be in med school without him.
In the end, being married in med school is working out pretty well for me. Aside from how guilty I feel for dragging my husband here, I am so blessed to have someone who loves me so much to come willingly. Nick helps me out everyday by cooking and cleaning and offering moral support. (He is also a good sport whenever I need someone to practice on!) I am so lucky to be married in med school, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.