Have you ever heard that saying, “When it rains, it pours”? That pretty much describes my life right now. In the past two months I’ve had a UTI, the stomach flu, and a sinus infection. My baby has had an ear infection and the stomach flu. I’ve had to fly back to the Midwest twice, conveniently at the same times Anika was sick. My milk dried up, so I’ve had to stop breastfeeding. My grandpa passed away. And now my husband is out of the state, I haven’t seen him in almost 2 weeks, and I’m living life as a single mom.
I know things could always be worse, but I can’t help feeling like everything is going wrong for me right now. I already talked about how much I hated radiology, and so far Ob/Gyn is almost as bad. I really just want to throw in the towel. Okay, Life. You win.
But I can’t throw in the towel. I can’t just give in. I’ve long since passed the days when I could just lay on the couch until I felt better and things got easier. I’m a mom now. And I’m a medical student. And even if I’m sick and miserable, I don’t get to stop being either.
Anika doesn’t care if I’ve been throwing up all night. When she wakes up in the morning she wants to be fed and taken care of, and right now I’m all she’s got. My preceptor doesn’t care if I have a sinus infection. She expects me to study every night and be prepared to see patients each day.
And that sucks. But it also keeps me going. I don’t get to take a break from being a mom, and I don’t get to take a break from medical school. I’ve had so many people say, “I don’t know how you do it – having a baby in med school,” but honestly, I don’t know if I could handle medical school if I wasn’t a mom.
Of course there are days that I think, This would be so much easier if I didn’t have a baby. But then there are days that I think, What would I do without this adorable face to come home to?
Anika is my light and my inspiration. She’s why I do what I do. She’s the reason I wake up in the morning, and she’s what I think about when I lay my head down at night. She drives me crazy, and she’s what keeps me sane. She’s my alarm clock, my shadow, my entertainment, and my audience. She’s the sweetest gift God’s ever given to me, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world.
I lead such a blessed life. Even when I’m at the end of my rope, I try to remember that. Things will get better. They always do.