Next week is fall break…which means that my second year of med school is one-fourth of the way over. School is going way too fast, and it is a little scary. In only ten short months, I will start seeing real patients, and it freaks me out.
As stressful as school is at times, I really wish I could just slow the clock down a little bit. Everybody always comments about how long med school is, but really I don’t know if it is long enough. I only have nine more months of classes! Then that’s it. Apparently I am supposed to know it all before then.
Okay, so I know I don’t have to know it all, but still. Three years from now people are going to start calling me “doctor,” and their lives are going to be in my hands. I just don’t know how I could possibly know enough by then to warrant that kind of responsibility.
One of my professors told a story this week about how he once got a resident fired because they performed some neurological tests on an unconscious patient before checking to see if the neck was stable. Now I know that’s not okay, and even though that patient’s neck was stable, he could have really injured them if it hadn’t been. But still…that seems like a really easy mistake to make. What if I make a mistake like that? I could kill somebody.
It terrifies me that I could literally kill somebody someday. There is just so much to learn in medicine, and I don’t see how I can ever learn enough to make sure I never make mistakes. So even though I still have at least six years of training left, it just doesn’t seem like it will be enough. I guess all I can do is work my hardest and hope that I will be ready by then.