A lot of people have doubts in medical school about whether or not they made the right choice in choosing medicine as a career.  Many of my friends have had such doubts in the past few years.  I’ve been lucky, though.  Never once have I doubted my decision to be a doctor.

Until now.

I never thought it would happen to me.  I’m not even sure the reason, but lately I’ve been thinking more and more that I’m not cut out to be a doctor.  And it’s a really scary feeling. I’ve always been so sure and so motivated.  Of course I wanted to be a doctor.  There was nothing else in the world I was meant to do.

Maybe it’s because of the long hours.  Maybe it’s because I haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in months.  Maybe it’s because I’m in a rotation with a preceptor who hates my guts.  Whatever the reason, I’m having doubts.

I can only hope that they’re just temporary – that I don’t lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel.  I hope I can find enough strength somewhere inside me to keep going, even when I forget what brought me here in the first place.


About emilyehoward

My name is Emily, and I am a Hospitalist in Nebraska. I live with my husband and three beautiful daughters. I hope you enjoy my blog!
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6 Responses to Doubts

  1. Dr. Chloupek says:

    In the words of Vilhelmina, “You’re ok.”

  2. Even the best of marriages have days when one person feels like that. I hope you find your love for medicine again. Don’t let one horrible person poison your relationship with it.

  3. You will definitely have ups and downs in the years to come. I am pretty certain that after this rotation you will feel better again. Hang in there!

  4. Mom says:

    A good night’s sleep could change the whole outlook. Ignatian spirituality reminds us that desolation and consolation come in every part of life and we always remember not to make any big decisions or judgments when we are in either state. But, mainly know that you are in my prayers and please let us know if there is anything we can do to help!

  5. Karen says:

    Doubts can be a good thing, As you work through them you will strengthen your convictions. You will be a very good Doctor Emily, of this I have no doubt. Looking back, I remember instructors that encouraged me and those who seemed to feel they weren’t doing their job if they didn’t give you a bad time and make you doubt yourself. I bless the former but I have to admit the latter made me stronger. Take heart and hang in there.!

  6. Janice says:

    The difficult preceptor is teaching you a valuable lesson – what NOT to do when you are in that position. Hang in there honey, you’re almost through and then you can do things the right way – YOUR way! : )

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